The Four Horseman in Marriage

 The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Vs the Four Horsemen of Marriage

Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? I found the answer from Wikipedia. The rider of the White Horse  is generally referred to as "Conquest".[1] The White Rider has also been called "Pestilence in popular culture, and is associated with infectious disease and plague. The rider of the second horse is often taken to represent War[2] (he is often pictured holding a sword upwards as though ready for battle[18]) or mass slaughter. The second Horseman may represent civil war as opposed to the war of conquest that the first Horseman is sometimes said to bring. The third Horseman rides a black horse and is popularly understood to be Famine as the Horseman carries a pair of balances or weighing scales. The fourth and final Horseman is named Death. This is found in the New Testament of the Bible in the book of Revelations but what does it have to do with marriage you say? 


 In the movie Fireproof it talks about the Four Horsemen of Marriage which are defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling. Are we aware of the fact that at one point or another if we are not careful one or all four of these will creep into our marriages? Just like the four horsemen of the apocalypse will put an end to the world as we know it defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling will slowly kill our marriages and bring about divorce. Just being aware of these isn't the only fix for the repairs it requires to mend a broken marriage.
Four Horsemen of Marriage 
These nasty habits creep into our arguments of our marriages all the time. In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr John M. Gottman he gives us more information to help us recognize what they are and how to fix them so we don't end up in divorce court. First he talks to us about criticism and how we can change it to complaints which are easily fixable rather than attacking our partner with our words. The second horseman is contempt and he says its us being superior to our spouse and how hurtful that can be. Third is defensiveness and we feel we have defend our selves when we are being attacked by words from our loved one and being hurt by them thinking they are better than us. All of these followed by the fourth horseman which will definitely kill the marriage and being stonewalled. Its our defense against all the harsh words being spoke. Harsh start ups is what usually starts the perpetuating cycle and flooding each other with contempt, criticism, and defensiveness leads into the never ending cycle. 
How to fix the mess left behind from the Four Horsemen
 Heavenly Father and our elder brother Jesus Christ is our examples of how to fix the holes the four horsemen leave in our marriages. Becoming Christ like is the answer and asking for his help to guide us through these fires we have set in our lives. They won't do it for us because we have our agency but they won't turn us down when we ask for their help.
True love will help us patch the holes and the problems in our marriages. True love is unconditional Christ like love. In his talk 2007 Conference talk  Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin says "the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life. True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us. We all yearn to experience love like this. Even when we make mistakes, we hope others will love us in spite of our shortcomings—even if we don’t deserve it."

Are we examples of these 5 Positive Interactions
 
Be Interested

Express Affection

Demonstrate They Matter

Intentional Appreciation 
Find Opportunities for Agreement

 Empathize and Apologize

After reading the Magic Relationship Ratio I saw these great ideas of Positive Interactions I can approve on and plan on implementing more of my in marriage these next several weeks.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse
 Gottman, John M, and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Three Rivers Press, 1999. Print.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRl0Y5eE1B1aS38KR3aPQ3gqfBlOC0emEI5cHeN21j59KzrTdLom4zRelXmLcy8YK1NvBBpkAbF5136/pub
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/


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