Turn Toward One Another
How Having Faith In Jesus Christ Helps Our Marriage
What is Faith? According to dictionary.com It is complete trust or confidence in someone or something. or strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. But in my opinion the best definition comes from the scriptures in the book of Hebrews chapter 11 verse 1 from the New Testament it says "Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." In the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage H.W. Goddard says "The question is not whether Jesus is able to heal, the question is whether we will believe in him." (Goddard, 2009, pg 56.) "It takes faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to remove evil from our marriages and bring them to vibrant life" (Goddard, 2009, pg 57.) "When we have vibrant faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we know that the irritations and challenges of marriage are blessings intended to develop our character." (Goddard, 2009, pg 59.) "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ can transform our imperfect relationships into purposeful growth and soul filling companionship. It is the foundation on which strong relationships are built." (Goddard, 2009, pg 66.) In Matthew chapter 17:20 of the New testament it says "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible."
Turn Toward Each Other
This can be achieved by little moments. In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work Dr. John M. Gottman says "couples who engage in lots of such interactions tend to remain happy. What's really occurring in these brief exchanges is that the husband and wife are connecting- they are attuning by turning toward each other. Couples who do so are building mutual trust." (Gottman, 2015, pg 87.) "In marriage, couples are always making what I call "bids" for each other's attention, affection, humor, or support." "The partner responds to each bid either by turning towards spouse or turning away. A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life." (Gottman, 2015, pg 88.) "The first step in turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial these mini moments are, not only to your marriage's trust level but to its ongoing sense of romance." "just realizing that they shouldn't take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship." (Gottman, 2015, pg 89.)
I felt that these two photos from our wedding day depicted turning towards each other really well. One we are sitting listening to my mother's womens barbershop quartet singing to us at our reception. The other was during our photo session and the photographer thought fun to have us running toward each other with arms outstretched towards each other. Learning this lesson this week I thought of my wedding day and these photos and just thought how we all need to remember these both turning towards each how willing we were to do that the day we were married and how easy it is to do so now no matter how long we have been married. It helps us to stay married when we remember to turn to our spouse no matter what we are going through and sometimes a up close turning towards them will be sufficient or other times it's the running towards them with our arms outstretched to the other.
Create Shared Meaning
In his book Dr. Gottman shares that there are Four Pillars of Shared Meaning. First is Ritual of Connection he says that "The hallmark of rituals of connections is that they are not haphazard. They are structured, scripted traditions that you can depend on." (Gottman, 2015, pg 264.) Second Pillar is Support For Each Other's Roles. Third Pillar is Goals. Fourth Pillar is Shared Values and Symbols.
The photo right beneath the subheading is my husband on our wedding day of him standing on his head for me. Because there was an arguement about the colors of our wedding which his family asked about and then was like I don't have that color and I can't afford to buy anything new. So I told him i don't care what they wear as long as its something and they can stand on their heads for all I care I just want them to be at our wedding. So now thats a good joke of ours well I just don't care they can stand on their heads for all I care. My engagement ring in the photo above was created by my husband because when we talked about getting married he wanted to know the kind of ring I wanted. I told him a princess cut diamond with rubies and emerald's on the sides to be very different than anybody else in the world. The jeweler looked at him funny and asked if he was sure. He said yes I'm sure she won't care it won't match everything she wears she requested it this way. So it was made and I was ecstatic when it was put on my finger. Well after my oldest was born it has more significance to me because she was born in may a couple weeks before our one year wedding anniversary which the birthstone for that month is emerald. This has created memories for us as a family and created share meaning. Another shared meaning in our family is we have the uncanny ability to forget what stories we have told and how many times we have told them. My husband is really good at this and most of the time I can get a bit impatient with him everytime he tells a story I have heard so many times I could tell it. I was reminded this week I need to be more patient with him and nicer about saying you tell that story alot and remember alot of the time there can meaning found in every story someone tells and it could have a good message to learn something from it.
References
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills: Joymap.Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books.
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