Fidelity and Intimacy
Fidelity
Matheson talks about Emotional Infidelity and the Signs of Emotional Infidelity and he then talks about Spiritual Fidelity and advises us what to do and how to start to repair a relationship. "In situations as these, spouses should remember that change is not easy and that neither spouse can change the other person. Instead, spouses can commit to making changes in their individual behavior." (Matheson, 2009, pg 3).
He goes on to say that "The Savior’s Atonement not only has the power to cleanse us but also to change and purify our hearts (see Mosiah 4:2; 5:2). As we seek heaven’s help, we can regain and maintain spiritual fidelity. God can give people the power to confess, connect, and change." (Matheson, 2009, pg 4).
Intimacy In Marriage
In an Ensign Article by Brent A. Barlow They Twain Shall Be one he tells us of his time as marriage counselor and repeats this experience: [In my work as a marriage counselor, I have found that there are some couples who feel that sexuality should be restricted to one dimension—reproduction. Yet President Kimball has said: “We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experiences between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children.” (Ensign, Oct. 1975, p. 4.) While creating children is an integral and beautiful aspect of marital intimacy, to use it only for that purpose is to deny its great potential as an expression of love, commitment, and unity.
On the other hand, there are couples who seem to feel that the only reason for sexuality is physical gratification. These people become so obsessed with the achievement of sensation that the emotion of love is all but forgotten. Still others use sexuality as a weapon or a bargaining tool. This is not only a misuse of a God-given privilege, it shows great selfishness on the part of one or both partners and makes sexuality a destructive rather than a unifying element in marriage.] (Barlow, pg 3).
Suggestions for Husbands
Brent A, Barlow goes on to give advice for husbands starting with First "A husband needs to spend time with his wife. The two need to have time together to share ideas, to grow and learn together, and to experience joy together." (Barlow, 1986, pg 4).
Secondly "a wife may not be interested if she feels her husband is unaware of or doesn’t care about the seemingly small struggles of her life." (Barlow, 1986 pg 5).
Thirdly "Wives also enjoy romance. The problem here is that sometimes husbands and wives have a different definition of romance." (Barlow, 1986, pg 5).
Suggestions for Wives
Barlow goes on to give advice for wives and says First "Perhaps the most important thing a wife can do to improve the sexual relationship in her marriage is to realize her husband is also a human being with various needs, hopes, and aspirations." (Barlow, 1986, pg 5).Secondly "Just as husbands need to find time for their wives, so wives need to find time for their husbands." (Barlow, 1986, pg 6).
And Thirdly, "Men also appreciate affection." (Barlow, 1986, pg 6).
Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage
In his article Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage Dr. Sean E. Brotherson talks about three of what he calls "the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” for sexual fulfillment in marriage, specifically, ignorance, inhibition, ill will, and immorality." (Brotherson, 2003, pg 1).
First he feels is "Ignorance is the first enemy of sexual fulfillment in marriage. In an unpublished manuscript on sexual fulfillment in marriage, a friend of mine has written: “For some LDS couples, especially those where one or both struggle with negative feelings about sex, doctrinal permission feels needed to even discuss or study such things. It is okay to read about sex. It is okay to talk about sex.”"(Brotherson, 2003, pg 2). He goes on to say "I am convinced that ignorance is perhaps the most costly deficiency when it comes to sexual fulfillment between marital partners. A failure to understand your own body, your partner's responses, and the essential ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship quickly becomes a failure to find sexual satisfaction as a married couple." (Brotherson, 2003, pg 3).
He goes on to say "After ignorance, a second challenge to sexual fulfillment in marriage often occurs due to inhibition. Inhibition, in this sense, refers specifically to an avoidance of dealing with one's thoughts, feelings, desires, or behaviors related to sexual functioning in marriage." (Brotherson, 2003 pg 4 ).
Thirdly he gives advice on how to handle ill will "Couples who let themselves develop such a cycle of ill will toward each other sabotage the beauty of their love and prohibit themselves from a deep and caring experience of love through sexual fulfillment. It is a self-inflicted pain. Yet it is not inescapable or incurable. It requires a substantial commitment of time, emotional energy, and love to change such patterns and pursue a more loving and satisfying alternative." (Brotherson, 2003, pg 7).
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